I came out to my father as transgendered on Saturday.

We sat in a diner, I sipped on shitty coffee as I tried to get my tongue around the conversation I had been putting off for three years.

It was one of those situations where it went NOTHING like it was supposed to. All of those scenarios I had envisioned, both positive and negative, those didn’t happen.

Instead, I was informed that he “believes that I believe” what I was telling him. And proceeded to unleash a side of him I’ve never seen before.

What it boiled down to was this: he wasn’t disappointed, nor felt like he was losing a daughter, because I was wrong and in time, I’d learn that this isn’t what God wants for me.

For an hour I listened to his defensive mechanism, as he told me that I needed to truly give my heart to God and that we were made in His perfect image. You know, all that usual crap.

I asked if he would look at educational resources. His terms were that I had to read research that proved transgenderism/transsexualism doesn’t exist.

I was sort of dazed by the whole thing, left feeling like it would have been better if he had yelled or been disappointed. At least I would would have evoked something other than the irrationally calm God-fearing man that sat across from me.

Three years of wanting to say something and I was left completely unfulfilled or satisfied by the conversation.

Later that day, I joined my friends who knew that I was talking to my dad. I had told them all that once I came out to him, I wanted to switch to male pronouns and they were all really great about it.

All night, being called “he” or “him” would make my stomach flip-flop. Partially with guilt. Partially excitement. Partially uncertainty.

After 21 (almost, Saturday is my birthday) years of being referred to solely as female, I was finally stepping into a skin that was a little more comfortable.

Not without learning how to be a real boy, of course.

“If you want to be a man, you have to butt heads with me right now.” My friend tapped his forehead.

It only kind of hurt.